Diets, Diets, and more diets....

Ever since I was little I have been an overweight child. My mom has been overweight as long as I can remember. All the pictures that I have seen of myself from the time I was in second grade and higher I was fat. I have been on many diets. Every time my mom would go on a diet I would be forced to do the same.

The first major diet that I went on was when I was 16 years old. It was called First Place. I wanted so bad to do good and make everyone (especially my boyfriend) proud of me for losing weight. We started it in August 1996. I couldn't eat sugar or any carbs. I was on it for like 6 months and I lost 30 pounds. My Mom lost 100lbs. I was jealous. I ate pretty much the same things that she did. I felt like a failure.

In January of the next year we started the same diet again. I didn't lose anything then. :0(

Off and on for the next 10 years I went on low fat diets and low calorie diets. My doctor put me on one a couple times but it didn't work. I thought that I was doomed to a life of being fat.

Two years ago I decided to start a workout routine at Health Actions that had just opened up. I stayed on it for 6 months and only lost 15 pounds. I was eating less and exercising more than I ever had in my entire life.

Since all of this I have gained to a very high weight that I am very ashamed of. I started a new diet in January of this year and so far I have gained 4 pounds from my starting weight. I don't know how that is possible but there you have it. I am still trying hard to lose the weight but it seems like my only option is getting help with surgery.

At the moment the only problems that I have caused by my weight are infertility (poly cystic ovarian syndrome), acid reflux, and osteoarthritis. Hopefully that will be all that I have before I get my weightloss surgery. I am determined to have this done and live a long and fruitful life.

:0) SLP

Back to work....

I came back to work today...it was going ok and then some man comes in mad because his account has been cutoff for nonpayment. It just kills me that people think that they can still continue charging if they don't pay!!

Anywho!!

I am so ready to get this surgery done! I am praying that I am doing everything that the insurance company requires. We will see.

Chris is home. We had mom and dad and Hannah and Richard and Pop over for supper last night. It went good. No mishaps. hehe

Well not much exciting going on. Later!!

Vacation

Vacation is going good. Thankfully I have nothing to do. I have been sick since Friday. Sunday I started getting dizzy and feeling lightheaded and kinda drifted into Mom's car. It wasn't hurt or anything. It scared me her and Dad more than it hurt the car. Nothing happened to it. It embarrassed me. :0(

The diet is well....going....ok. I still haven't lost any weight. I feel like a failure most of the time. I hate myself. I am ready to get everything over with now. So that I can start being healthier. I am so scared that I am going to do something that makes the insurance company turn me down. I am bugging the people at the surgeon's office about stupid things.

I went to Walmart yesterday and got some diet pills called Nanoslim or something. Maybe that will help.

I am scared to walk because I don't want my knee to start hurting again.

:0( Mom says that she is worried that I won't be able to do the things after surgery that I have to do. i.e.:Eating little amounts. At the point that I am now and the way that my mind is I could care less if I never got to eat anything else as long as I am losing weight!! I am confident that I can do this. For the rest of my life I know that I will be taking vitamins and drinking water and eating smaller amounts than I am used to. But in my mind I am ready for this change. If I don't change it now, I fear that I may die at the state that I am now.

Trying to lose weight I have gained 6 in the past 3 months. Can you imagine how that makes me feel? I want to be a smaller person and not have my son be ashamed of me when he is older. I want him to be proud that I am his mom like he is now because he sees no faults in me.

OK enough with the pity party today!! :0) I am supposed to be enjoying my vacation not pissing on it!! :0)

Have a good week!!


SLP

Another day...

OK so apparently I have arthritis in my left leg!! I thought only older people got arthritis. Dumby me!! haha Well I went to the doctor yesterday and he gave me a shot and some pain killers for it. So it feels better today. :0) I also have sinus problems so he gave me a shot for that and some antibiotics.

When I went to the doctor yesterday and the nurse weighed me I weighed a pound less but I think she did it wrong. UGH!! I have asked the nurses at the surgeons office if they can give me a prescription for a diet pill or something because I can't seem to lose weight!! What is wrong with me?

Well I guess I have to work tomorrow. I thought I was going to be off. :0( I will have nothing to do because I can finish it all today. I asked the boss on Monday or Tuesday if we could be off and she looked at me like I had two heads!! LOL

Well I guess I will get off here and do what little work I have.

Happy Easter!!

Happy St. Patricks Day!!

Not much going on. I gained 2 lbs. I feel like crap. And life goes on......sorry so short...just not in the mood to type. :0)

What?

Yesterday my son decided that he wanted to go to a water park....I told him that we couldn't because it was like 60 degrees out. In my book it has to be at least 70 before we hit the water. So now he thinks that for Spring Break we are going to the beach. He wants to go "live in a hotel". His words not mine. Here he is in his swim trunks, that he wouldn't take off yesterday.....

I didn't do too good on the "diet" yesterday. We had tacos Saturday night and yesterday it seemed like all I did was eat.

I am hooked on One Tree Hill!! And now I have Hannah hooked on it...since Saturday night. I didn't realize that this show was so awesome when it first came out!! I love it!!

Well I go to the doctor Thursday for my 3rd month check in....wish me luck!!

No more jumping....

Ok so there will be no more jumping on the trampoline for a while. I am sure that the way I feel is the way an old person feels when they can't hardly move around. I bent over yesterday and thought I was going to die my back hurt so bad and then everytime I bend my leg I feel like it is going to buckle. So I will walk everyday instead of switching it up like I was going to do. Hannah had to get a brace for her knee because hers was hurting so badly.

This weekend was fairly decent. We didn't do much of anything. We took Zach to the ballfield to be fitted for his uniform for baseball. They are not very organized. They had everything scattered everywhere! Zach ended up getting a medium shirt and pants. My baby is getting big. :0( I have limited him to eating what I eat and not too many sweets. I feel badly for doing that but it has to be done. I love him too much to let him end up like me. Chris is the same way. I told him that it isn't fun to be Fat. People stare at you and look like you have a third eye or something. With Chris' job he eats more than he used to because he is around food constantly and if he gets bored or forgets to eat lunch he tries to make up for it at supper or his next meal. Making him gain weight.

Hannah got a new job!! This is a good thing considering that she hated her other one. I think it will do her good to have this new job. :0)

Well wish us luck on our first baseball practice tomorrow. Zach has never played so this should be a treat!!

SLP