Vacation

Vacation is going good. Thankfully I have nothing to do. I have been sick since Friday. Sunday I started getting dizzy and feeling lightheaded and kinda drifted into Mom's car. It wasn't hurt or anything. It scared me her and Dad more than it hurt the car. Nothing happened to it. It embarrassed me. :0(

The diet is well....going....ok. I still haven't lost any weight. I feel like a failure most of the time. I hate myself. I am ready to get everything over with now. So that I can start being healthier. I am so scared that I am going to do something that makes the insurance company turn me down. I am bugging the people at the surgeon's office about stupid things.

I went to Walmart yesterday and got some diet pills called Nanoslim or something. Maybe that will help.

I am scared to walk because I don't want my knee to start hurting again.

:0( Mom says that she is worried that I won't be able to do the things after surgery that I have to do. i.e.:Eating little amounts. At the point that I am now and the way that my mind is I could care less if I never got to eat anything else as long as I am losing weight!! I am confident that I can do this. For the rest of my life I know that I will be taking vitamins and drinking water and eating smaller amounts than I am used to. But in my mind I am ready for this change. If I don't change it now, I fear that I may die at the state that I am now.

Trying to lose weight I have gained 6 in the past 3 months. Can you imagine how that makes me feel? I want to be a smaller person and not have my son be ashamed of me when he is older. I want him to be proud that I am his mom like he is now because he sees no faults in me.

OK enough with the pity party today!! :0) I am supposed to be enjoying my vacation not pissing on it!! :0)

Have a good week!!


SLP