Why me?

Why is it that every time I don't do something right it gets brought to my attention but when I do all things right no one says anything about it?

That's what happened yesterday. I know that my boss (the president of the company) hates me. Why? I couldn't tell you. But anytime someone mentions my name to him he starts acting crazy!! Maybe it's because of my weight? Maybe it's something else that I don't know about?

Someone had a problem with their account because I applied payments wrong. I know stupid right? Anyway, the boss calls someone else to straighten it out and then my other boss (that works in the same office as me) saw that she was doing my job. So then she comes in here telling me that the other lady is doing my job because I didn't do it right to begin with and that my boss asked her to do it because I don't do my job. That every time he asks me to do something or about something I haven't done my job right!! And I'm like whatever!! Of course, I cry because I am so pissed. It just doesn't seem right to tell someone that they don't do their job just because of one thing. There's more to the story but I won't bore you with it.

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Chris came home yesterday!! :0) He will be home until next Saturday!! He got to go to one of Zach's games for the first time yesterday too. Zach was so happy. You could tell that he was trying to show out for his daddy!! :0)

Well have a good day....or week.....until I write again!! SLP

:0) My baby!! :0)

My baby is coming home tomorrow!! Yeah!! I am so ready to see him. For some reason he hasn't called me as much this time as usual. :0) Zach and I are going to get him a cake and we have some stuff for him for his birthday, which was last week. So just wanted to say that I am glad that he is coming home tomorrow!!

:0) SLP

Good Weekend!! :0)

As you can probably tell from the pics we went to the beach this weekend!! We had a wonderful time. The waves were a little rough but all in all it was fun. Zach was wanting to be a big boy and do it on his own but we couldn't let him because the waves were knocking us down much less him. We weren't going to spend the night and then about 10 last night we decided that we didn't want to drive home so we found a place to stay. Then we tried to find a place to eat because we were doing so many other things that we lost track of time and we didn't eat supper at a reasonable hour so no one was open. Finally we decided to stop at a Cici's Pizza and see if they were open. They were but they said that they were closing but we could eat what was on the buffet or they could cook us a new pizza. So that is what we did.

Today we went to The Wharf and I got some new crocs.They look like these but they are brown with a pink middle. They are cute!! :0)

Then we went to watch a movie. I kinda wanted to see Prom Night but I also wanted to see Baby Mama so that is what we saw. It was funny. But the highlights of the movie were seen in the trailer to the film.

All in all it was a fabulous weekend!! Well TTYL!! :0)

:)

This is a pic of me, Zach and Hannah @ Momo's 90th birthday party last Sunday!! :0)

Thank goodness it's almost the weekend!! YAAY!! I am so bored with my job. It is not even funny!! I have so little to do that I have to go impossibly slow to make it last. I can't afford to get off early all the time.

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I think that I am having issues...I'm not sure particularly what they are about but all I want to do is cry. And I am mean to everyone. :0( I am upset because I am still having weight issues...I am upset because I am ready for this 6 month diet to be over with so that I can have surgery and get on with losing weight....I am upset that my husband has to stay at a job that he is not particularly fond of because I need the insurance....I am upset because I am lonely.....I just have lots of issues and I don't know how to voice them to anyone to make it better.

I have to go sometime in the next month or so to a psychologist for my psych eval that my insurance and surgeon require before surgery to make sure that I know all the risks and complications of the surgery and everything that I have to do afterwards. I am ready!!

I kind of freaked out yesterday on the insurance lady at the surgeons office because I had a moment that I thought I was doing something wrong and that my doctor was not doing everything that he is supposed to to help me get approved. She told me not to worry that she was going to request the notes again in a few weeks to make sure that he is writing down what he is supposed to. I also have to have a nutrition appointment. I also need to go to a support group meeting because if all goes well it will only be 3 more months before I get a date for surgery.

I have stopped writing down what I eat everyday although I think I should start again. I just have a lot on my mind with everything and I don't have time or patience.

I feel like I am a burden to everyone because they have their own lives and I am alone (except for Zach of course) but there is only so much conversation that you can have with a 5 year old....even if he is a smart one.

I am scared that my health is going to go down and I am going to die before I have this surgery done. I just don't know anymore. What if my insurance does deny me? what will I do then? I can't afford a loan to get it done....i don't want to ask anyone for money....I just feel helpless. And I know that in 2 months and 2 weeks I will look back on this and probably laugh at myself for being such a retard about it but right now....I want to pull my hair out....I wish I could speed up time!! (at least until July and then it can go back to the way it was)

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I have some new things to add to my list of thing I want to achieve!!

~~Be able to cross my legs.
~~Not have arthritis in my knees because of my weight.
~~Be approved for surgery!! (This should be #1!!)

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Well have a good weekend!! :0)

Is that me?

I cannot believe that I have let myself get like this!!! I had no idea until I saw these pictures that I looked like this. I guess in my mind I look better. Who knows? I just want to cry. :'(

Baseball and stuff....

My baby had his second baseball game last night!! After Dad and Han practiced with him Sunday night he is doing so much better!! Every time the ball came to him he stopped it and threw it where he was supposed to!! I am soo proud!! :0) Of course afterwards he wanted to go to McDonald's so that he could play the games that they have on the computer, and being the great mother that I am I took him. :0) hehe

OK so my ticker up top is down to 88 days!! WOOHOO!! I need to call and get an appointment with the psychiatrist and the nutritionist for June. I'm not sure how long of a wait they have though....hmmmm....will have to check on that.

Well I just wanted to say a little about my baby's baseball game!! More later!! SLP

END OF 3 MONTHS!! WOOHOO!!!

I am so glad that these three months have gone by so quickly....now I hope that the rest of the time goes by just as fast. I went to see Dr. B today. I have not gained or lost any weight, which is good that I didn't gain any but I just feel so down because of it. :0(

Of course when I told him that I felt bad about it he told me that he wasn't giving me anything and that he had never had anyone turned down for this surgery after doing their 6 month supervised diet...but I say there is a first time for everything. I know, I know, I should be more optimistic but I just am not in the best of moods at the moment. :0 But we will see in July!!

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Not sure if I said this before or not but my son has hit a growth spurt and outgrown his shoes and his clothes. I am going to have to go today and get him some new shoes for school. Hannah got him some new cleats because the ones that I bought him in March don't fit anymore!! So if you know of anyone that needs some cleats size 12 kids let me know and we can cut a deal for them!! :0)

Well more later!! SLP

Almost to the end of month three...

It's almost the end of month three of my six month doctor supervised diet....

In January I started on this walking three times a week for 30 minutes a day.....eating around 1800 calories a day. Instead of losing weight I gained 2 pounds from my starting weight.

In February I started walking four times a week for 30 minutes a day...eating around 1500 calories a day. Instead of losing, I again gained 2 more pounds from my weight in January.

In March I continued walking four times a week for 30 minutes a day....eating around 1500 calories a day. I go on Monday to see what the scales have to say.

I think I am going to ask Dr. B if he will give me some medicine to help me loose some weight. It is very depressing that I cannot lose weight. And I know what he is going to tell me...."Samantha, if you could lose weight on your own you wouldn't be trying to have gastric bypass surgery." Which is true but it is still depressing me. :0(

I will update on Monday when I find out what the results are. I can't wait till July...and to send all my paperwork to the insurance company for them to approve me for this surgery!!

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On a different note, I found out on Thursday that our hours are being cut at work. Instead of working 7:30 -4:30 we will be working 8-4. I knew it was coming because of everything that is going on....but it was still a shock for it to actually happen. You know?

Well I will write more later.

SLP

Earache....

It's been a heck of a day around our house. Probably gonna be a long night too. Zach has an ear infection. According to the doctor it is really bad. She said that his ear drum may burst from it. He has green puss in his ear canal and his ear drum is red. He has been crying pretty much all day from it. I have not seen my baby this upset and sick in a long, long time. He cried when they gave him the shot and so did I. I couldn't help it, I felt so sorry for him. Hopefully it will feel better. They gave him a shot and some antibiotic ear drops. I don't know if I am sending him to school in the morning or not. I know he probably won't feel like it. I am scared that my boss will get upset with me if I keep being off. I haven't been off with him like this in a while. But I hate to leave him somewhere when I am his mommy. U know?

Chris left this morning for 23 days again. He will be back around the 28th. His birthday is the 23rd of this month. I feel bad that he can't be home on his birthday but he loves me so much that he is going to stay at this job until I have my surgery so that I can have the insurance. :0) I love him so!!!!

Well gotta go night night just in case I do have to go to work tomorrow. :0) Later!!

SNAPDRAGONS......

I have been so busy lately that I keep forgetting to go write down the things that I eat everyday. I have done fairly well. I am not going to say that I have done excellent because no one is perfect....especially me, but I'm trying.

Zach's first baseball game is Saturday!! They are going to take pictures @ 12:40 and then the game is @ 1:30. He is so excited!! He got to hit the ball yesterday. He did really good with it. I was impressed. Everytime he would hit it he would look over at us. Mom and Dad came out and so did Richard. So Zach had a whole cheering section of his own with Bebe, Papa, Moma, Daddy, and Hannie!! :0)

Well hopefully I will do better with writing down my intake...if not sorry. :0(

SLP

The changing faces and sizes of me...Samantha

me at 6 months old

Hannah and I she was 2 and I was 6 years old

1st grade

Hannah was about 4 and I was about 8 years old

Our 4th and 8th birthday party

me and Han about 4 and 8 again

me when I was 15 years old

me and Hannah she was 13 years old and I was 17 years old

Senior prom '98

Senior pic '98

me on my wedding day Feb 2002

me and Zach August 2005

Easter '06

Relay for life '06

me and Chris March 2007

July 07

August 07

February '08