No J.O.B.

Tomorrow is going to be a difficult day. I lost my job on Friday. The company laid off 4 of us. I was kind of expecting it but it was still quite a shock to have it done. I was maybe expecting a 2 or 4 week layoff but I had to clean out my office because I will probably not be going back. I had worked there for 7 years!! Well, it would have been in July. I am still not sure what I am going to do with myself. I know after Thursday Zach will be out of school for the summer but I have had a job my whole adult life. I am just at a loss. But it is what is best. God only puts you through what he knows that you can handle. And maybe things happened this way for a reason unknown to me. I will prevail!! ;0)

Pray for me!!

Until next time!! SLP

New ramblings.....

Isn't my little man just the cutest? He is getting to be such a handsome thing. You can't tell in the picture but he was horrified that ants were going to get on him because he didn't have any shoes on. haha!! It turned out really cute though.





We took pictures of him Saturday afternoon before we went to Pop's for supper.






I hate this picture....I hate myself....I just don't see this when I look in the mirror!! Why don't I see this? I thought I actually looked pretty good. ha!





I have been doing better on the diet than in weeks past. I am so frustrated!! I am ready to have this surgery done already!! I keep thinking in the back of my mind that the insurance company is going to deny me. Although I have done everything that they have required of me so far. Chris has told me that a few people that he works with has tried to have it done or their wives have tried to have it done and the insurance company denies them. I don't get that. Maybe it's because they messed something up? I don't know. I will just crawl in a hole and die if I can't have it done. I am so tired of being this way. All I want to do is cry because I don't like going places or even to see my family because I don't want anyone seeing me. I can't stand to go to the grocery store or anywhere by myself. I feel like everyone is staring at me and talking about me behind my back. In a way I feel like I am paranoid but then it may be true. I just know that if the insurance doesn't pay then I guess I am stuck in this body forever being FAT!! I can't afford to self pay. :0( I just want to cry thinking about it.





On the upside I only have a little under 2 months before everything can be filed and my fate is determined. :0) Should I smile and get excited or should I frown and cry? Who knows? I am trying to be optimistic about it. I have prayed about it and I know that God led me to going down this path and wanting to get this surgery done. I need to just leave it in His hands and His will will be done.

Well, I didn't get the car for Mother's Day that I wanted...or any car for that matter. Chris wants to wait until after I have the surgery and then see what I want then. I guess he thinks I am going to want some sporty car or something. HAHA!!

Instead I am getting a Wii and a Wii Fit to exercise with!! I am so excited considering I hate walking or exercising in front of anyone so I can do it in the comfort of my own home!! WOOHOO!! :0)

Well have a good day, week, month....until I post again!! SLP

I'm not crazy!!

I went to my psychologist and nutritionist appointments yesterday. The psychologist was really nice. We talked for about 45 minutes and then I had to do a questionnaire and a true/false sheet. It took me an hour to do that!!

The nutritionist told me how I would be eating after the surgery. Which I already knew because I have been researching so much on it!! But it is good to be informed. :0) She was really nice also. She looked like one of my friends. She acted like her too. It was weird.

I am so ready for July to be here!! I go today for my 5Th supervised appointment. Hopefully I have lost or maintained. I don't know if I can handle being told I gained yet again!! :0(

I will post later on that!! Have a good day!!

A new week...

It's another week already. The weekend just doesn't last long enough!!

Saturday we went to Jackson to get Zach some new glasses. He picked out some that looked horrible...so I suggested some that had Jimmy Neutron on them...he loves them. He said those are fine...whatever. He didn't care because he was tired of trying them on. Then we shopped for groceries.

Yesterday, was Mother's Day, I didn't get anything...well I take that back because I got a flower from Zach that they planted at school. I told Chris that I still want a car. :0) You think I will get it? Me neither!! :0)

Well tomorrow I have my psych appointment and my nutritionist appointment. So wish me luck. I will let you know how it works!!

Later!!

Worried

Ok, I know this is my second post for today and you know I don't even know if anyone actually reads this stuff that I write on here but anyways. I have now cancelled the other psychologist appointment that I made this morning and made a new one. This other guy seems to know whats supposed to be going on. The lady at the insurance company wouldn't really give me a straight answer about things and I think that they do that so that you will get confused and give up but thankfully I have Valorie to keep me straight!! She is awesome!! I have emailed her like 5 times today freaking out about the insurance not paying for my surgery and not paying for the psych visit. She finally asked me a few minutes ago what number she could reach me at and called me. She told me not to worry that she had talked to the insurance company, given them the codes to make sure that they would pay, and then got the information for me to do everything to get approved. She said not to worry. (haha!) Anyway, my appointments are now, May 13th at 9 for the psych and 11 am for the nutritionist. wheww!! Praying does help lots and lots. :0)

Well keep praying for me and reading my rants if anyone does!! SLP

Lots of appointments

I called today and got a new psychologist appointment. I figure $515 is a little expensive to be told I'm ok to have surgery. Although $250 is a little high also but it's half of the other. So now I have my 5th supervised diet doctor visit on the 15th of May then on the 16th I have my nutritionist appointment. Then on the 9th of June I have my psych eval appointment (she said it would take about an hour and a half. On the 16th I will probably have my 6th appointment with my PCP. (after that only one more!!! WOOHOO!!) And then on the 18th I have to take Zach back to the dentist for his yearly cleaning and what not. I have a busy two months ahead. And I know this is just the beginning.

I couldn't sleep last night because I started thinking that I only have approximately 2 to 2 1/2 more months before I find out if I am going to be approved for surgery!! The time has surely flown by. I am excited and scared at the same time and it is only going to get even more so. :0) But I am ready!!

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Zach spilt his slushy on my purse last night!! I am still going to carry it though because I have almost sold all my others!! I was so upset.

I don't know what is wrong with him lately. He seems to have an "I don't care" attitude about everything lately. Who knows whats going on.

Well later!!

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update: One of the psychologists that I have called, called me back and he told me that my BCBS should have to pay for the psych eval because of them requiring me to have it done before approval!! Hopefully they will see it that way. But who knows?

:0)

So much to do, so little time.....

Yesterday I called to get my appointment for my psych eval that my insurance and also the surgeon requires me to have before I have surgery. The lady told me that it was going to cost $345 if my insurance didn't pay for it. I have to take a 3 hour computer test and then come back later for an appointment which will cost $170! Of course my insurance won't pay because they don't pay for any appointments related to obesity but they do pay for the surgery. How crazy is that. I was trying to find a doctor closer to where I live but now I think I am just going to see if anyone else's price is that high. Since I have to pay for it anyway, it doesn't really matter if I go to someone in network or not.

I also took Zach to the eye doctor yesterday. They dialated his eyes. It was a chore to get him to let them put it in his eyes. They decided that he needed a stronger prescription. So now we have to get new glasses for him.

I feel like there are so many roadblocks in my life. I know it is just trying to slow me down. But I am not going to let it!! I will survive!! :0)

Well have a good week!! SLP

Back to work...

Chris had to go back to work today. He was not happy at all about this decision. He has only been home since Tuesday night. He wasn't supposed to go back until next Saturday. Instead of going back to the same boat that he was on though he is going to one in Mississippi, actually he had to get on it in Hammond, LA. I felt bad for him.

He thinks that he is forgotten when he leaves but he isn't. If he would read what I type on here he would know that I do miss him. He also thinks that I am cheating on him. Can you believe that? He thinks that someone wants me? HA! I can't even believe sometimes that he even wants me much less someone else. I am not good looking at all and I am fat. (SHH!! Don't tell anyone.)

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Zach has a loose tooth. He keeps showing me how it will lean forward and back. It is kind of gross. HAHA He is going to look funny with a tooth missing.

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I told Chris that I want a new car for Mother's Day. This is what I want....

But they cost a lot....so I will probably end up with what I have or.....

of course I do like cars too....but I don't know how I would feel riding in a car lower to the ground than what I am in now......

More than likely I will stick with what I have....unfortunately!!

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Well on the diet side of my life, things are going OK. I am trying not to snack in between meals. Still holding back on the soft drinks. Which is a huge step for me. I was drinking anywhere from 3 to 5 a day. Now I drink water or tea. :0) For that I am proud of myself. I hope that the next time I go back to the doctor which is the 15th of May I have not gained anymore weight. :0(

Well until next time!! SLP

TGIF!!!

I am so glad that it is Friday. Although I wanted to do something this weekend!! UGH!! But we are just going to sit home for now. :0)

The diet (changing of eating habits) is going good. I am so ready to be to July!! Only 2 more months though.....time seems to be going pretty fast. I am excited and scared at the same time. :0)

Well have a good weekend!! SLP