Things I want to achieve.....

Things I want to achieve:

1. Be able to walk without being out of breath.
2. Be able to play with Zach and actually want to.
3. Not be worried about that I am too fat to do something.
4. Be able to sit in a regular chair without worrying if I might fit or not.
5. Go to Disneyworld or Six Flags or the fair and not worry if I am too big for a ride.
6. Have my baby stop telling me about the commercials on tv that help with weightloss.
7. Have someone whistle at me because I am sexy/cute. :) hehe
8. Not have to struggle to get up from the couch.
9. Not worry about being too heavy to sit or go on something that I think may break.
10. Love my body.
11. Have my husband love my body.
12. Have my husband be proud of me for doing better.
13. Get rid of acid reflux.
14. Weigh less than 300 lbs.
15. Weigh less than 200 lbs.
16. Weigh less than my husband does.
17. Be able to wear his shirts.
18. Be able to wear off the regular side of the store not the plus side.
19. Not worry that there won’t be anymore sizes to fit me.
20. Lose 20 lbs.
21. Lose 50 lbs.
22. Lose 75 lbs.
23. Lose 100 lbs.
24. Lose 150 lbs.
25. Feel sexy.
26. Wear a watch that I don’t have to put links in to fit me.
27. All three of us be able to fit in Chris’ truck comfortably.
28. Want to go to church.
29. Be able to wear cuter shoes.
30. Love myself.
31. Be able to have another baby.
32. Go to the doctor and not be told that my weight is my problem.
33. See people from high school and not wonder what they are thinking about me.
34. Be able to run.Be able to bend over to tie my shoes better.

:-) a happy weekend...:-)

This weekend was a pretty good one. We took Zach to Chuck E. Cheese's for his birthday since Chris won't be home on his actual birthday. (Feb. 6) He had a ball. I ate too much pizza and drank a coke. :-( Went to Logan's for supper that night and ate tooo much bread and a steak and a potatoe!! Bad weekend for my "DIET". This is starting to be a long 6 months but I'm still optimistic because I really want this surgery. I want to look in the mirror and like what I see. I made a list of things I want to achieve. I will post it on my next post. Chris has come around to the surgery idea. I think he is excited....but I think his expectations are a little high. He thinks I am going to be this skinny minny.....but I am just wanting to be average and weigh around 170 lbs. I will be so excited if I make it below 200!!! hehe Anyway....today I have only ate a bowl of chicken noodle soup and some cream cheese and chives wheat thins. I need to start drinking more water so when I go to the grocery store this afternoon I will be getting some propel water. :) I am really ready for this to happen. I need to make a list of when I walk so that Dr. Burroughs can sign off on it that I actually did do it.

I am still wondering if I need to go see the nutritionalist now or wait until June to go see her. I may call and see about it. Well until next time!!! :)

it's going to be ok.......

Went to my other appointment on Tuesday night....things went good. They weighed me and got my height....I am only 5'7"!! I thought I was at least 5'11"!! haha Anyway we sat through a presentation of all that will go on, they said that they would contact the insurance company to see what my policy says exactly and then call me next week to let me know. I am really determined to have this seen through. Even if it does mean that I have to wait till July or August.

Today is day 9 without a coke!!

Can you believe that? I mean I was drinking at least 3 if not 4 a day!! Now I drink tea instead....it may not be good for me either but I figure it better for me than the cokes.

I still need all the prayers I can get with everything though. Later!!

Sucks to be me....

Well I went to the doctor today. My PCP (Primary Care Physician). He said that I have to be on a diet for 6 months. He won't go back to 2006 to get my weight and do it that way. GRRRRR!!! I was a little upset (Understandably). I want this done this month. Not have to wait until July or August!! But I am doing ok with it now. What's 6 months when I have been dealing with my weight since I was in the 3rd grade!! I remember in 4th grade we had to be weighed for something at school and the teacher weighed me and it said 150 lbs. He said do you weigh at home and I lied and told him yes that it was usually 20 lbs less than that. LIAR!!!! Anyway I know that 130 lbs for a 10 year old isn't good either.

Anyway....I will be going to the doctor for the next 6 months being weighed. Me and Han are starting to walk this afternoon. I am determined that this will work!!! :)

I hate not telling people what is going on because I know they wonder why I cry so much. But I just don't want anyone to try to change my mind. Does that make sense?

Well More later!!!!

:-( sad...

Well it's official....

Chris is mad.

He was ok with me wanting to have the surgery yesterday and then today he is furious. He told me that he couldn't promise that he wouldn't be mad and I told him that he was just going to have to be mad because I am determined to have this done. I have prayed about it and I feel calmer about it. If it is God's will it will be done.

To blessed to be stressed!!!!

That should be my new moto. hehe

I guess Chris is upset because he thinks that I am going to leave him for someone else if I loose weight. I don't know. He should know by now that I love him and only him and would not leave him just because I loose weight. Just like I will not leave the friends that I have now for other friends when I loose weight. (:-) I will not mention the name of the person that said this.....hmmmm) haha I love the friends that I have now and if you aren't my friend now then I don't need you when I am not a fatty!! haha

Well more later..........

I hate my weight......:'-(

I have decided that I am going to have surgery done to reduce my weight. Or at least I am in the process of finding out what all I need to do to have it done. I am going next Tuesday for a consultation. I am tired of being overweight. I am scared that my health is going to start going downhill. I am afraid that if I don't have something done about it now then I will have the same health problems that my mom does. And I think she feels the same way. I am fine with myself most of the time. Last night we took Han to the hospital and I couldn't even sit in the chairs there because my butt was too big!! I just hate that.

I know that Chris is probably going to get mad at me for it. But I think this is my only option. I want to feel better about myself. I have tried to diet and things just don't work out for me. The fertility doctor that I went to last year told me that the only way I would probably lose weight is to have drastic surgery done because after you get past a certain point it is really hard to get rid of. So I need all the prayers that I can get right now. I am not telling a lot of people that I know....one because all I want to do is cry about it and two because I don't want people looking at me weird or trying to talk me out of it. I know that people love me for me and they don't care what I look like. And I am not doing this to get skinny because Lord knows I will never be....but I don't want to end up like the people I see on tv that can't get out of bed because their legs won't hold their weight.

So more later.....Just pray for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2008

Well I hope that everyone had a great new year and didn't drink too much!! ~~

We didn't drink anything on New Years night. I was trying to keep myself from falling asleep!! haha!

The gameboy that Zach got for Christmas is killing me....he wants me to play it because I can get farther than him. He just lays on my shoulder and watches me play. But if he sees that he wants to play he starts screaming!!

That is what I did Monday night to stay awake. Play the gameboy. We did fireworks for a little while. Zach loved them!! He wanted to do more when we ran out.

Although I didn't have Chris with me on New years eve I still called him and talked to him at 12!! He had just gotten up for his shift. So it worked out good!!

Mardi Gras starts soon....we are going this weekend to a fireworks show and a parade.

Well my mind is blank now. More later.......