Funeral homes....

I hate going to funeral homes....but last night I had to go to a wake for my great uncle that died Monday morning. I had about decided not to go and then changed my mind. And of course everything that I put on made me feel bad because it was too little or ugly. haha! So now I feel like I hate myself. It will pass sooner or later.

Anyway, when we got to the funeral home my mom, dad, Hannah and Richard were standing outside waiting on us. Zach told me that he was going to be good because he wanted to see the dead man that had been killed. I told him that he hadn't been killed he had just died. And of course that was followed by "why?" I said because it was just his time to go. "why?" because God wanted him to die. Well, when we got there he started saying he wanted to go see God. Hannah told him that she did too but the only way to do that was to die and he was ok with that.

He thinks that if he dies he will be glued back together and be ok.

It was the most horrible hour of my life. Not only because of the body but because of all the people staring at me because they knew me but didn't want to say anything, and because of Zach yelling that he was ready to go home. And then he pulled my shirt up!! I was mortified!! Hannah said no one saw but I bet they did. :- I told Zach that we would go outside and he said ok that he would go wait on me in the car. haha! No.

Chris' great aunt was there....she called Zach "Jack". It is ok that Tristan does it because he can't say Zach all the way but when a woman that is over 65 years old calls my son by a name that is not his it upsets me. Especially since his whole family acts like they know so much about Zach. They all ask him the same thing...."Are you liking school?" He of course ignored everyone that tried to talk to him. Acted like they weren't even talking.

When he did that to some people I just wanted to pinch his arm....(which I did). And he yelled that I was hurting him. More people staring!!

I am just horrified at the thought of people staring at me because I was already feeling bad about myself.

You know when my grandmother died I cried my eyes out. Well there was no one crying there last night. That is just weird to me.

Anyway!! Until next time!!.......